The question

Just Do it! .. Fuck! I know that. Stop telling me that. I need to answer this question first and even when I'm done with it, I might not do it.. Fuckin coward, I'm fucking coward.. it's fuckin difficult, too many thoughts, I should just do it.. damn!!


So, should I start something that I believe would hurt me badly when it is ended?


lack of luck, lack of luck.. I need luck, I need to create luck for myself!! Damn, I hate doing this!!!

Fact: I'm a coward

Yesterday, or the day before yesterday many of my fellow band mates performing on Jakarta Fair Cosplay & J-Music Fanatic held on Sunday, June 19th, 2011 at PRJ Jakarta.



There some videos, many many many pic (like above) taken from the show, and I spend like hours to check them all. Yeap probably ALL OF 'EM...



I dont know why, seeing all that makes me feels kinda sad.. Maybe because I can feel all the joy and fun they had, and I envy all that,.. or maybe I just being mellow and missed all my good old day performing with my previous bands..

They have invited me months before this event, but I cant make it, there re lot of things and I simply couldnt make it to go to Jakarta to attend this show..

This feeling makes me even more sad, I hate my life even more now,... I kinda regret all those decisions I made that leads my life along this path.. I felt like I should be there and doing the show along with my friends..

I feel like I don't want to be in this "fine" life where I work in Singapore, with decent job and decent everything.. I know this is a stewpidd thing, and many people can only wish they be what I am now.. but this is me, fuck others, I dont care.. I want what I want, and I wanted it now, but it's impossible to have. Fuckin sad, isnt it?

I think I really want to go back to small slice of my life where I felt the joy and the glorious in doing music, recording, performing, or jamming or just small gig..

But maybe I'm a coward, I have no courage to jump into devils playground and try my luck.. I'm too afraid of not having decent income, decent meal and "fine life"..

hmm.. no I AM A COWARD, that's why I'm here, right?.. in this uber pathetic sad life...

---

Anyway,.. I have a musical activity here in Singapore, every 2 weeks or so me and some friends from my country do a jamming session, quite fun.. that's also why I get new bass, Ibanez SDGR 505, and learn some Hard Rock songs..

I made one video of me covering one of the song, its title is The Spirit Carries On written and arranged by Dream Theater..



But knowing all that and making that vid doesnt make me feel any better..
so I'm wondering what choice do I have here?
What should I do to make me feel better?

sad..

.sic.zoc.peter