a day that as wierd as any day never be..

Today is my birthday, suddenly I remember I always dreamed that 2009 will be my last one..

A lot has happened this year.. changes that somehow affect how I see life and how it works..


Smoking..

at precisely 00:00:00 1 January this year, I bought my fave malboro white lights and been struggling to quit smoke since then.. well, I'm lucky last week I got bored of it and maybe I'll quit for a while or hopefully a long time from now...

at 2008 maybe I just smoke a total of 10 or less.. but this year I went to a lot lot more than that.. so that's a quite something I could say..


Music and My Band, Ozone Inc.

entering 2009 was hard.. we all realized it when we lost our keyboardist.. a very much talented keyboardist/pianist I ever met.. a great song writer too..

From the very beginning 2 year ago I've seen this.. but I thought as an artist it's not so dangerous if each of us have our own idealism.. especially about music, and how we put it together as a band and how we run this band.

so when things were rough with our keyboardist real life and his family, the band also feels the suffering somehow and finally at few point that we can not accept that, we told him to change or leave.. and he leaved..

with only four of us, the band had a very slow progress on reaching our targets.. I remember many many of plan we had, where actually was planned by our hardworking drummer and his girlfriend our vocalist,.. but those plans somehow canceled and ruined and few of them made us have a serious fight sometimes..

at that time when the band had not having any progress some of each of our idealism and our ego began to hurt each other.. I thought, maybe last year we can tolerate this kind of thing because it's all for the sake of the band and we can see the band had significant progress.. like new video clip, new album/recording, events, radio station interview, and anything.. but not at this time when the band was not going anywhere, simple thing like song arrangement can hurt one or each of us..

it's like the band game (I forgot the title) compatibility is a very important thing,.. a band member should have a green point or compatible toward each other..

but I sensed the opposite on the band.. somehow we're not compatible to each other.. so when the band went nowhere.. our idealism hurt each other..

not three weeks ago we were all fed up and full of this shit and we decided to broke the band up.. dismissed.. and we're going on our own way now..

and for me I was hurt like a .. I dont know.. right now I'm not feeling like playing any music anymore.. sometime I dont like me being like this.. but that's me what I'm accepted..

I'm basically a quiter.. I cant stand an activity or relationship for a long time, even though I always spent a quite fortune, my body and soul to whatever things I'm doing (I can swear you I've spent more than you can imagine all this years for this band)..

so I'm quit playing music.. I'm saying good bye to all my gears, my elec guitar, elec bass guitar, Demeter Optical Compressor (most expensive bass effect), GEB7, EHX Micro Synth and other my bass effects, my xio synth/midi controller (most expensive gear ever T__T), my zoom g7uit effect (quite expensive too.. I lend it to my guitarist and I think he would never return it, God bless him.. )

and I'm saying good bye to all my private music project/youtube/facebook/tabs etc..


Writing novel, drawing comic and play game

I cant live without doing some art or having some fun activities,.. so when I'm not in office (working is fun) I practice drawing character for my novel.. trying to make an illustration for each them..

I'm taking a sample of few famous actor/actress that I like (coz their pic are all over the internet, easy for modeling :p)
from Morgan Freeman, Samuel L Jackson, Zooey Deschanel, Nicole Kidman, Johny Depp and Keanu Reeves, I done Johny and Samuel pretty close.. Zooey and Nicole are looks like somebody else hehe.. I'm still not too good at drawing pretty woman/girl..

and like always,.. I always dream big,.. so I think I'm going to buy that wacom intuos 4, learning few things on photoshop (I already master the basic :D) and maybe taking a serious course on graphic design,.. maybe I'm going back to campus :p .. who knows when I'm going crazy.. :p

wish me luck on this..



Girlfriend

I dont know how to describe this.. I went out with 3 girls this year.. but those relationship were not last for long.. maybe I'm just lucky or not lucky I don't know.. but I learned so much and realized what people keep telling me about.. I need to reorganize my activity so I can spend my time wisely with people around me..


a car

after taking long long time thinking about buying a new car,.. I finally take a bold decision to buy a motorcycle.. hahaha.. damn I cant afford a new car, I'm not too good with money anyway..

wish me luck with this bike.. all registration and paperworks are not done yet.. so I cant take this baby nowhere at the moment.. but I'm looking forward to have fun with it..


friends

one thing I just realized.. I never thought I have this many friends.. every year at my birthday I always surprised with count of people that gave me greetings.. and most of them seems to know me very well.. it's kinda awkward isn't it?


life and death

today I'm 27.. everyday since I was 5 (I remember that's when I was smart enough to think of something) I always set my life to not life too long. And when I graduate primary school, I remember I gave it a serious thought about how soon I wanted to die.. and after I entered high school, I decided to live not longer than 27.. you see I dont have such of ... what's the right word??.. passion or dream to live longer... well I dont wanna suicide, cos I hate being hurt and my pride wont allow me to be ridiculously killing my self.. but I cant stop thinking of an epic or simple death.. I am a "superhero" thinker, I always have superhero chronologies running in my head and it's always end up as an epic death as no other ever had.. and it's always me.. lately I've been thinking that plain simple peaceful death is okay too..

this world is amazing, I'm not sick of it or whatever that makes me hate it, hmm maybe a bit, but not so much a reason to motivate me to off my life. Somehow there's something about life itself made me really want to end it..

now that I'm 27 I wish that I dont have to see my 28 birthday.. but I dont know how to achieve it.. and out of that I have plans about what should I do in 2 years or 5 years or even 10 years in the future.. it's like wanting to have a 1 trillion palace with private jet plane etc.. having a death seems to be unreachable and something that definitely not easy..

I remember I went to visit my girlfriends' father who has a damn serious lung problem, my girlfriend is a Muslim and I'm a Christian, she's poor and have a (very) poor family and I'm not, but she is a brightest girlfriend I ever with so far, very smart etc.. but out of traditional values, religion views I was prepared to hear, her father mad at me about not appreciating life.. he was mad like hell and told me a long story and many wise words about life.. about how people struggling hard to do anything just to keep living and gratefully live their life everyday etc..

and my girlfriend was also mad at me.. I remember she said that the way of how I think life is will directly affect others too, and especially her.. she loved me so much and she was afraid that she was nobody for me coz I dont take this life so seriously etc.. she was mad like a jealous girl.. and I was never be able to explained it, not to her, not to anybody else.. so maybe no one would ever understand what exactly it is..


.sic