die please..
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
In Love
and yet, another break up...
I guess, in love difference does matter. Funny though, how it turns your parents, friends, priest, family, and other people into strangers and enemies.
It feels so sad, every time they made her cry..
and it is sad when it ends like this..
It's been several weeks since, and writing this story helped me to calm my self every time the pain kicks in. Writing this story was the only thing I done last few weeks, and to be honest I became less productive right now. I stopped writing my game trial program, I stopped writing the draft for my main fiction novel, I stopped learning mandarins, and I stop learning UML and design pattern (programming things).
but now it's done, and by that, I think this would be a good moment to get back on track with things. I got exam tomorrow at office, and I got life and death deal at Monday. Wish me luck.
I put the story below. Note that all right reserved and some are under creative commons, so please respect that.
I want to embed some memories, moments, names and things I want to remember every time I read this, that's why the way it's written is a bit odd. But if you know me, maybe you'll see some of them along reading this story.
Enjoy!
Once upon a time, on the small rock island far off the shore, live a humble young human boy. At a very young age, he was exiled by his people. No one knows the story, but how the nightmare born are a legends among the wises and witches. As the stone relic drawn the beginning: he was drowned alive in a coffin. Luckyly saved by the great grand turtle. He grew his childhood in an unfair struggle of life and death; becoming a man with overwhelming energy and rage. He's smart but careless, a vigilant hero, an abide scholar and a joker clown. Most of his time he spent in the deep sea, study and play; often in solitude, he spent hours gazing at the stars and its constellation. The turtle and the phoenix are his honored teachers. The dolphins, seahorses and the fat octopus are his best friend. The sharks and whales fear his just. The winds and the sea bless his quest and protects him from harm.
It goes steadily until one day, on a quest searching for a meaning of life, he found his on a mermaid. It's on a polar cyclone dance festival in the dark waters of sea floor, the very first time he laid his eyes on her. She was dancing and he was drunk. The way she swayed, elegantly stunned his conscious. Each smile and laugh, each words, and each lines she casted, hypnotized his mind; Even the adorable lips on her pretty face, along with both little eyes, and the way her silky hair fell on her cheek paralyzed his body and thought. All that perfectness emitted a warm peaceful breeze, that melted his heart right away.
The first encounter was another story: A stupendous introduction, impressive lines that delivered by a gentle gestures; all that according to him. But she took it as a barbaric douchebaggery joke; and of course, a so failed one, even compared to the lowers. Still, the land and the sea, the stars and the universe smiled that day. Even though they know all the beginning and the end, they smiled and cherish that moment.
The male is the only human in the entire seafolk creatures. He's both divine and an abomination, a living anomaly that adored by mermaids and sirens. Love, should be easy for him. But this female mermaid is not just an everyday mermaid. Not just pretty and graceful. She is the brightest princess, favored by the royal kingdom and its people; beautifull, majestic and lovely. The most desirable mermaid of all the vast ocean.
Then funny how love happens. It happens when it happens, and it's just simply happens. Alas, a royal mermaid and a human outcast, be a forbidden knot that offended the rest of their world, inviting envy, curse, and regret from those who refuse to understand. One that should be the greatest love story, slowly corrupted and became a meaningless chatter, stained by soundless scorns, unspoken gestures and silent hatreds.
Fortunately maybe, none of that matters to him. Being raised as an exile and banished from home and his people, made him immune to care for the contagion other people throw at him. His lover, his mermaid princess, is the one that matters the most. She is the sun he revolve, and the only gravity for his reasons.
Unfortunately though, to the very contrary, all that negativity does matter to the princess. She needs the love from her people. And while she hunger for acceptance, her people sheer away leaving her an empty cold loneliness. They gathering in a distant corner, whispering, snap a glance, then return her the look; The look that crush her intrepidity, burn her insolance, and vex her sense. Hurts her more than the pain of thousand blades tearing her magical feet each step she walks the dry land. A sum of unbearable pain that no one dare to endure, being a price she has to pay to be with him, one that she love.
As the damage continue to grow, the tale of this forbidden love spread accross the sea and poison everyone. They mourned for the betrayal of their royal crest, their proud princess. Life everyday has became a lifeless days, dull and quiet. What used to be bright clear now everywhere became muddy and dirty. Gloomy mime, somber crowds, and a sour hellos colored the days. While inside the palace of the noble, the queen helplessly prevent the fall of the kingdom where its king imprisoned in his insanity and diying in resentless. Uprising became anarchy, politics became chaos and wars were just another tick of the time bomb. The darkest time where the sea rules by preying sharks, poisonus jellyfish, noxious stingrays, and treacherous whales.
On the other coral of the sea, our loving couple sat silent under the same pale moon they used to praise. What used to be smile and happiness now turned into sadness and sorrow. Her sad face couldn't fake the smile anymore. Even ocean water can no longer hide her tears where it enforce the same hurt to her human lover, dragging him down into the same agony. In many times they both begging for blessing, never once the ocean and the universe care to hear. As one offering it only accepts, is for them to part their way, to bury the love as stranger for each other. Where that be the only term that neither she or he could accept.
As time passed by, slowly he gathers all the hatred. That is during the great long winter, days of battles with the sharks and the whales, not once they both thanked as heroes, only be blamed as shame and taboo. Where naked words, blunt lines, malignant poems thrown at them violently, furious and ferocious. All that fed him up with negativity multiplied by sadness and sorrow which he began to loathe.
Until on one fine day, where no one ever imagine; He unleash it all into a wrath. An energy flavoured by destruction and death, back to everything he used to ignore. In madness he tore the world to seek the ultimate secret of happines. To find the recepie of divine potion, that shall erase the differences between he and his mermaid. To nullify the differences that blur the eyes and the minds of the world, from seeing clearly the honesty, sincere and the true of their love.
So in desolation he continued wander to every corner of the lands and mountains, leaving total anhilation trailing on his footsteps. Where all the living things could only begged for the mercy of death, before helplessly damned to be reborn as a walking abomination, tortured in never ending agony, in the flesh of undead.
The overwhelming wisdom and lore from the immortal phoenix and the grand turtle couldnt stop him this time. Only by the presence of the mermaid princess, the ocean and all that living beneath it safe from the rage of her lover, the deathbringer. But one can never fool a sea creature, as their knowledge teaches them, that this is just another silence before the storm. They're all know, that sooner or later, they will have to face the same armageddon and its aftermath which shall befall before them. So the grand turtle plead for the benignity of seafolk to unite with others to stop the destruction on dry land. The immortal phoenix gathers all what left from the land, from high elf to lowly ghoul, forest troll to sand golem, to fight together with the army from the deep waters. Even their fellow comrades, the elder dragon, moon imp, and torrent eagles, descend from the sky to help stopping all this madness and destruction.
Then again, funny how love move the world. Under the dark moon, the mermaid princess and three others departing in disguise. Sneaking out from the valley where the warriors of earth wind and water rest inside their warm tent. They silently avoid the gaze of patroling eagles, climb the steep hill, then slowly dispelling the sleeping dragons magic wards, where brings them to where they're now, few more steps closer towards the mermaid's mad lover that raging in a long distant. The other three are the sun fairy, the fat octopus, and the siren duchess who is the mermaid's devoted lady, her best friend.
After days running through the blistering sands and barren hills, the mermaid princess finallny met her lover, the fallen hero on a rocky cape far off the main land. Fortune met them long before he could meet the marching warriors from the East, batling in a deadly battle. The mermaid princess and the others stand silent not far from him, invisible under the sparkling dust of the sun fairy. They all startled, shocked by the look of mysterious figure standing in front of them. He was standing over on a large stone, gazing at the red horizon on the North East.
His surrounds is marked with death and hollow. A carpet of rotting flesh, blood and bones scatter around him, infesting the lands and the living. Now they know why people called him a walking enigma. A monstrous overgrowth limbs, pale deceased skin, with dreadful tooth and nails, morbid claws and horns makes it hard to believe that he was a human not long before. No one would recognize him if not for his distinct overwhelming aura of awesomeness in the air. Yet, while everyone else were in suspense, she's relieved to knows that she found him. How without doubt she knows all that? only love can tell, because love itself that tell her so.
Before the faint dim of the sparkling dust slowly unhide their whereabout, this harmless mystique creature, the fairy, already on her last word with another safeguard spellcast; Just another trick so she could anytime blink them over the horizon where she had ready a teleport shell. Along with added insurance from the siren's song that petrifying all the enemy; they were ready to face the devil in the flesh. Yet, with all this magics and spells, the devil remains unaffected. Because he is, as always, too powerful for everything thrown at him. But, regardless of all that immunity and awesomeness, he just stood there silent. So the mermaid princess once again appeared in her humble presence right in front the devil she long and love.
So they move closer, and began to deliver the purpose in the way they never rehearsed. Not to confront, not to arrest, but as a last attempt to bring him back to common sense, to save him, save the world and all its inhabitant. Along with silent winds and bright sky, he just stood there listening to what the mermaids and the octopus said. No one knows why he's peaceful and harmless at that moment. Maybe because calming words from his beefy old friend, the octopus. Or maybe it because of his lover, the mermaid princess's presence. Or maybe because love, or anything left of it, made him so.
Then it is also another similar question how how he came back to sanity, as he just stood there in silence for both words and expression. As if all the madness and rage evaporate out of him just like that. His appearance return back to normal. More human than a monster, like the way he was used to. Then, how his necromantic conjuraction falls off, relieving his undead army from their everlasting torment, is also another mystery of this legend.
However, this good sign of a winning battle was not let their guard down. In suspense they're waiting of something that they were yet not really sure what. Especially for her, the mermaid princess, that had walked across continents to pursue happiness she could only dreamed all this time. A dream that she about to confirm. So she waits in curious, hoping for the best.
Only when he finally spoke of words, she found out that something changed. Something was lost along the way. The friendly, warm and loving feeling she long to feel were not there. No love in his word, gaze and smile. Just utter coldness of stranger's hello.
It churned her feelings, leave her speechless and breathless. The thought of the worst thing she feared the most, crushing her mind and hope into a scattering fragments of horrid nightmares and undefined-ness images. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, tried to calm herself from the rushing nausea. Pulling herself back together, to escape the cold feet, and to face the ugliest truth.
"So, you just hate me now?" she asked then slowly opened her eyes, looking deeply into his eyes, hoping for denial to the real answer she had just seen, wishing for redemption to false the fact she afraid to confirm.
"I just dont love you anymore." he replied plain and clear, without doubt. Sure and immediate, without pause.
To the very point, that words cruelly pierce through her heart. Like a lightning strike, it broke her heart. All that words insistently smashed her until she lost all the strength to stand, where she fell into anxiety. She felt betrayed, she wanted to scream. She's not ready for this. She still deeply in love with him. She wanted to cry, and more than anything, she wanted to hold him tight.
Her world crumble beneath her feet. In trembling she fought hard tried to accept and not to lament the damage. Though it was hard, she tried to smile, tried to suppress the sadness and the pain she suffered. But this terrible affliction of losing the one she loved most, was just too heavy for her to endure. Her tears spilled as her eyes surrender to withstand the overflow sadness. She sobbed, wept and cried. All her hope, dreams, and love she treasured become a negligible meaningless, null and void in the cold air. In desperation she wailing for his clemency, calling for his tenderness, and begging for his love to once again embrace her in comforting salve. Where everytime she bid to reach him, never once he cared to welcome. Only he stood there watching her and sorry.
So she fell to her knees, crying helplessly. Without gentle caring, without loving hug, she felt so alone. In a long pause the air filled only with her cry, before away he walked out, leaving her crying alone in the ground.
That's how it ends. It ends in bitterness and butterflies. Part as stranger to one and the other, regardless of any sentimental values they had cherish before, which then been decayed in repercussion, vanish and disappeared in thin air. The land and the sea, the stars and the universe frown that day, the day the war ends.
Maybe she won the war, but she lost more than all her world could lose. He on the other part, would also never win. Even though with all the imbalance favor of the overwhelming power among all others, destiny certainly have written its own different ending. No matter what they both done, the result shall remains the same. They will never win the happiness, they will never found it anywhere. Not even in any infinite repeats that could be granted for both them to retry. Because, the way that the beginning and the ends be, obeys only to the selfish almighty, that set an immutable, relentless and indiscriminate fate for each of everything.
....The legend of the nightmares continued to the next chapter as how it drawn on stone island relic. As it also written on the ancient orders of the deep waters sands. As it also reminded by sparkling rainbow radiance and how stars aligned. As how the wises and the witches recite.....
Not long after that, he went back to his small rock island where he sat in silent for days, contemplating what lesson he have learned. He understands why the turtle guilty from giving him a gill, and also why the phoenix refused to gave him a wing. Nevertheless, he refused to accept the immoral wisdom and he wouldn't never approve the cruel indecent treat that limits how love truly be.
That stubornness angers both his teachers. Days and nights they argue and debate. Then like every unstoppable force hits an immovable objects, they upgrade their dispute into an epic battle for another days and nights. The turtle died, the phoenix collapse and badly injured, he won the battle. In anger and sadness, he strip out both the phoenix wing, put it on his back and ascend to the sky. He's running away from all guilt and crime he did, leaving the death, suffering and missery on his rock island home.
Maybe only love can explain why and how the phoenix surrender her immortality to revive the turtle. Though love is the reason, they can't live together and die as one. Never they spoke to a soul about love. Thus, they living in sad pretentious where unspoken acknowledge of love happens; yet it must be endured as they are the ones of the wises. The story of the grand turtle and the wise phoenix is another legend that known not to many, about living both happiness and sadness in tragic drama without regrets. Though maybe the only regrets they both have is the failure to raise their humble disciple they dreamed to be greatness yet grown into horrifying nightmare, whom they shall meet in another battle when the sky falls.
So the earth and sea, stars and universe shall once again mourn on the day the nightmare ascend to the sky, where he began another quest as villain against birds, dragons, imps, fairies, and other sky creatures. Also in the same sky he will meet an angel, falling in love, and once again living another tragic love story. A tragedy that followed by another destruction and madness where the sky falls, the earth errupts and the sea boils. A destruction where he once again rise against both his teacher in a lethal battle. Which will also be the greatest battle of all legends, where the gods and deities descend from te stars, to join arms with the rest of the world, battling the dire nightmare himself and his lover, the sky angels.
"Be good but be true, or ends in eternal battle of good and truth" ~ .n
(C) 2011 All rights reserved.
In Love
by ~sicOnce upon a time, on the small rock island far off the shore, live a humble young human boy. At a very young age, he was exiled by his people. No one knows the story, but how the nightmare born are a legends among the wises and witches. As the stone relic drawn the beginning: he was drowned alive in a coffin. Luckyly saved by the great grand turtle. He grew his childhood in an unfair struggle of life and death; becoming a man with overwhelming energy and rage. He's smart but careless, a vigilant hero, an abide scholar and a joker clown. Most of his time he spent in the deep sea, study and play; often in solitude, he spent hours gazing at the stars and its constellation. The turtle and the phoenix are his honored teachers. The dolphins, seahorses and the fat octopus are his best friend. The sharks and whales fear his just. The winds and the sea bless his quest and protects him from harm.
It goes steadily until one day, on a quest searching for a meaning of life, he found his on a mermaid. It's on a polar cyclone dance festival in the dark waters of sea floor, the very first time he laid his eyes on her. She was dancing and he was drunk. The way she swayed, elegantly stunned his conscious. Each smile and laugh, each words, and each lines she casted, hypnotized his mind; Even the adorable lips on her pretty face, along with both little eyes, and the way her silky hair fell on her cheek paralyzed his body and thought. All that perfectness emitted a warm peaceful breeze, that melted his heart right away.
The first encounter was another story: A stupendous introduction, impressive lines that delivered by a gentle gestures; all that according to him. But she took it as a barbaric douchebaggery joke; and of course, a so failed one, even compared to the lowers. Still, the land and the sea, the stars and the universe smiled that day. Even though they know all the beginning and the end, they smiled and cherish that moment.
The male is the only human in the entire seafolk creatures. He's both divine and an abomination, a living anomaly that adored by mermaids and sirens. Love, should be easy for him. But this female mermaid is not just an everyday mermaid. Not just pretty and graceful. She is the brightest princess, favored by the royal kingdom and its people; beautifull, majestic and lovely. The most desirable mermaid of all the vast ocean.
Then funny how love happens. It happens when it happens, and it's just simply happens. Alas, a royal mermaid and a human outcast, be a forbidden knot that offended the rest of their world, inviting envy, curse, and regret from those who refuse to understand. One that should be the greatest love story, slowly corrupted and became a meaningless chatter, stained by soundless scorns, unspoken gestures and silent hatreds.
Fortunately maybe, none of that matters to him. Being raised as an exile and banished from home and his people, made him immune to care for the contagion other people throw at him. His lover, his mermaid princess, is the one that matters the most. She is the sun he revolve, and the only gravity for his reasons.
Unfortunately though, to the very contrary, all that negativity does matter to the princess. She needs the love from her people. And while she hunger for acceptance, her people sheer away leaving her an empty cold loneliness. They gathering in a distant corner, whispering, snap a glance, then return her the look; The look that crush her intrepidity, burn her insolance, and vex her sense. Hurts her more than the pain of thousand blades tearing her magical feet each step she walks the dry land. A sum of unbearable pain that no one dare to endure, being a price she has to pay to be with him, one that she love.
As the damage continue to grow, the tale of this forbidden love spread accross the sea and poison everyone. They mourned for the betrayal of their royal crest, their proud princess. Life everyday has became a lifeless days, dull and quiet. What used to be bright clear now everywhere became muddy and dirty. Gloomy mime, somber crowds, and a sour hellos colored the days. While inside the palace of the noble, the queen helplessly prevent the fall of the kingdom where its king imprisoned in his insanity and diying in resentless. Uprising became anarchy, politics became chaos and wars were just another tick of the time bomb. The darkest time where the sea rules by preying sharks, poisonus jellyfish, noxious stingrays, and treacherous whales.
On the other coral of the sea, our loving couple sat silent under the same pale moon they used to praise. What used to be smile and happiness now turned into sadness and sorrow. Her sad face couldn't fake the smile anymore. Even ocean water can no longer hide her tears where it enforce the same hurt to her human lover, dragging him down into the same agony. In many times they both begging for blessing, never once the ocean and the universe care to hear. As one offering it only accepts, is for them to part their way, to bury the love as stranger for each other. Where that be the only term that neither she or he could accept.
As time passed by, slowly he gathers all the hatred. That is during the great long winter, days of battles with the sharks and the whales, not once they both thanked as heroes, only be blamed as shame and taboo. Where naked words, blunt lines, malignant poems thrown at them violently, furious and ferocious. All that fed him up with negativity multiplied by sadness and sorrow which he began to loathe.
Until on one fine day, where no one ever imagine; He unleash it all into a wrath. An energy flavoured by destruction and death, back to everything he used to ignore. In madness he tore the world to seek the ultimate secret of happines. To find the recepie of divine potion, that shall erase the differences between he and his mermaid. To nullify the differences that blur the eyes and the minds of the world, from seeing clearly the honesty, sincere and the true of their love.
So in desolation he continued wander to every corner of the lands and mountains, leaving total anhilation trailing on his footsteps. Where all the living things could only begged for the mercy of death, before helplessly damned to be reborn as a walking abomination, tortured in never ending agony, in the flesh of undead.
The overwhelming wisdom and lore from the immortal phoenix and the grand turtle couldnt stop him this time. Only by the presence of the mermaid princess, the ocean and all that living beneath it safe from the rage of her lover, the deathbringer. But one can never fool a sea creature, as their knowledge teaches them, that this is just another silence before the storm. They're all know, that sooner or later, they will have to face the same armageddon and its aftermath which shall befall before them. So the grand turtle plead for the benignity of seafolk to unite with others to stop the destruction on dry land. The immortal phoenix gathers all what left from the land, from high elf to lowly ghoul, forest troll to sand golem, to fight together with the army from the deep waters. Even their fellow comrades, the elder dragon, moon imp, and torrent eagles, descend from the sky to help stopping all this madness and destruction.
Then again, funny how love move the world. Under the dark moon, the mermaid princess and three others departing in disguise. Sneaking out from the valley where the warriors of earth wind and water rest inside their warm tent. They silently avoid the gaze of patroling eagles, climb the steep hill, then slowly dispelling the sleeping dragons magic wards, where brings them to where they're now, few more steps closer towards the mermaid's mad lover that raging in a long distant. The other three are the sun fairy, the fat octopus, and the siren duchess who is the mermaid's devoted lady, her best friend.
After days running through the blistering sands and barren hills, the mermaid princess finallny met her lover, the fallen hero on a rocky cape far off the main land. Fortune met them long before he could meet the marching warriors from the East, batling in a deadly battle. The mermaid princess and the others stand silent not far from him, invisible under the sparkling dust of the sun fairy. They all startled, shocked by the look of mysterious figure standing in front of them. He was standing over on a large stone, gazing at the red horizon on the North East.
His surrounds is marked with death and hollow. A carpet of rotting flesh, blood and bones scatter around him, infesting the lands and the living. Now they know why people called him a walking enigma. A monstrous overgrowth limbs, pale deceased skin, with dreadful tooth and nails, morbid claws and horns makes it hard to believe that he was a human not long before. No one would recognize him if not for his distinct overwhelming aura of awesomeness in the air. Yet, while everyone else were in suspense, she's relieved to knows that she found him. How without doubt she knows all that? only love can tell, because love itself that tell her so.
Before the faint dim of the sparkling dust slowly unhide their whereabout, this harmless mystique creature, the fairy, already on her last word with another safeguard spellcast; Just another trick so she could anytime blink them over the horizon where she had ready a teleport shell. Along with added insurance from the siren's song that petrifying all the enemy; they were ready to face the devil in the flesh. Yet, with all this magics and spells, the devil remains unaffected. Because he is, as always, too powerful for everything thrown at him. But, regardless of all that immunity and awesomeness, he just stood there silent. So the mermaid princess once again appeared in her humble presence right in front the devil she long and love.
So they move closer, and began to deliver the purpose in the way they never rehearsed. Not to confront, not to arrest, but as a last attempt to bring him back to common sense, to save him, save the world and all its inhabitant. Along with silent winds and bright sky, he just stood there listening to what the mermaids and the octopus said. No one knows why he's peaceful and harmless at that moment. Maybe because calming words from his beefy old friend, the octopus. Or maybe it because of his lover, the mermaid princess's presence. Or maybe because love, or anything left of it, made him so.
Then it is also another similar question how how he came back to sanity, as he just stood there in silence for both words and expression. As if all the madness and rage evaporate out of him just like that. His appearance return back to normal. More human than a monster, like the way he was used to. Then, how his necromantic conjuraction falls off, relieving his undead army from their everlasting torment, is also another mystery of this legend.
However, this good sign of a winning battle was not let their guard down. In suspense they're waiting of something that they were yet not really sure what. Especially for her, the mermaid princess, that had walked across continents to pursue happiness she could only dreamed all this time. A dream that she about to confirm. So she waits in curious, hoping for the best.
Only when he finally spoke of words, she found out that something changed. Something was lost along the way. The friendly, warm and loving feeling she long to feel were not there. No love in his word, gaze and smile. Just utter coldness of stranger's hello.
It churned her feelings, leave her speechless and breathless. The thought of the worst thing she feared the most, crushing her mind and hope into a scattering fragments of horrid nightmares and undefined-ness images. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, tried to calm herself from the rushing nausea. Pulling herself back together, to escape the cold feet, and to face the ugliest truth.
"So, you just hate me now?" she asked then slowly opened her eyes, looking deeply into his eyes, hoping for denial to the real answer she had just seen, wishing for redemption to false the fact she afraid to confirm.
"I just dont love you anymore." he replied plain and clear, without doubt. Sure and immediate, without pause.
To the very point, that words cruelly pierce through her heart. Like a lightning strike, it broke her heart. All that words insistently smashed her until she lost all the strength to stand, where she fell into anxiety. She felt betrayed, she wanted to scream. She's not ready for this. She still deeply in love with him. She wanted to cry, and more than anything, she wanted to hold him tight.
Her world crumble beneath her feet. In trembling she fought hard tried to accept and not to lament the damage. Though it was hard, she tried to smile, tried to suppress the sadness and the pain she suffered. But this terrible affliction of losing the one she loved most, was just too heavy for her to endure. Her tears spilled as her eyes surrender to withstand the overflow sadness. She sobbed, wept and cried. All her hope, dreams, and love she treasured become a negligible meaningless, null and void in the cold air. In desperation she wailing for his clemency, calling for his tenderness, and begging for his love to once again embrace her in comforting salve. Where everytime she bid to reach him, never once he cared to welcome. Only he stood there watching her and sorry.
So she fell to her knees, crying helplessly. Without gentle caring, without loving hug, she felt so alone. In a long pause the air filled only with her cry, before away he walked out, leaving her crying alone in the ground.
That's how it ends. It ends in bitterness and butterflies. Part as stranger to one and the other, regardless of any sentimental values they had cherish before, which then been decayed in repercussion, vanish and disappeared in thin air. The land and the sea, the stars and the universe frown that day, the day the war ends.
Maybe she won the war, but she lost more than all her world could lose. He on the other part, would also never win. Even though with all the imbalance favor of the overwhelming power among all others, destiny certainly have written its own different ending. No matter what they both done, the result shall remains the same. They will never win the happiness, they will never found it anywhere. Not even in any infinite repeats that could be granted for both them to retry. Because, the way that the beginning and the ends be, obeys only to the selfish almighty, that set an immutable, relentless and indiscriminate fate for each of everything.
....The legend of the nightmares continued to the next chapter as how it drawn on stone island relic. As it also written on the ancient orders of the deep waters sands. As it also reminded by sparkling rainbow radiance and how stars aligned. As how the wises and the witches recite.....
Not long after that, he went back to his small rock island where he sat in silent for days, contemplating what lesson he have learned. He understands why the turtle guilty from giving him a gill, and also why the phoenix refused to gave him a wing. Nevertheless, he refused to accept the immoral wisdom and he wouldn't never approve the cruel indecent treat that limits how love truly be.
That stubornness angers both his teachers. Days and nights they argue and debate. Then like every unstoppable force hits an immovable objects, they upgrade their dispute into an epic battle for another days and nights. The turtle died, the phoenix collapse and badly injured, he won the battle. In anger and sadness, he strip out both the phoenix wing, put it on his back and ascend to the sky. He's running away from all guilt and crime he did, leaving the death, suffering and missery on his rock island home.
Maybe only love can explain why and how the phoenix surrender her immortality to revive the turtle. Though love is the reason, they can't live together and die as one. Never they spoke to a soul about love. Thus, they living in sad pretentious where unspoken acknowledge of love happens; yet it must be endured as they are the ones of the wises. The story of the grand turtle and the wise phoenix is another legend that known not to many, about living both happiness and sadness in tragic drama without regrets. Though maybe the only regrets they both have is the failure to raise their humble disciple they dreamed to be greatness yet grown into horrifying nightmare, whom they shall meet in another battle when the sky falls.
So the earth and sea, stars and universe shall once again mourn on the day the nightmare ascend to the sky, where he began another quest as villain against birds, dragons, imps, fairies, and other sky creatures. Also in the same sky he will meet an angel, falling in love, and once again living another tragic love story. A tragedy that followed by another destruction and madness where the sky falls, the earth errupts and the sea boils. A destruction where he once again rise against both his teacher in a lethal battle. Which will also be the greatest battle of all legends, where the gods and deities descend from te stars, to join arms with the rest of the world, battling the dire nightmare himself and his lover, the sky angels.
"Be good but be true, or ends in eternal battle of good and truth" ~ .n
(C) 2011 All rights reserved.
(CC) Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
How to order drink in Singapore!!
Ordering Drink in Singapore
first of all, sorry for my english, they're bad and ugly..
I'm so happy today, because I got good news this morning about great job offer.. So I decided to go lunch and eat there, not take away the food like I always did.
So I ordered the food, it's quite easy because most of the food stall's staff knows English well. And if they dont, you can just simply point the picture, or the food itself... so food was done.
I planned not to order drink, but when I was about to eat, there's one person from drink stall came to me and asked me something in Mandarin that I dont understand.. well I dont understand Mandarin at all except for something so basic like:
1) sie sie (thanks)
2) pai pai (not really mandarin I think, maybe just some cutelization in mandanglish* of bye bye)
3) pao (or at least it sounds like that, means ordering a take away food instead of eating there)
4) cia (or at least something sounds like that, means eating instead of take away)
5) cc, kk, siu siu, su, etc..
and maybe few more, but not many.
So I was confused, I dont know what was that old granpa talking about(yep, a very Clint Eastwood from East, Chinese version of him laa). But thanks to my great surveillance sense, I was able to guess that he's offering a drink. So I said, Tea (pronounced: tea), but sadly the old granpa looks confused and a bit annoyed, so I quickly said Teh (pronounced: teh). Still the same, nothing happened, the granpa still wearing "that" face.. Thankfully he said something and I was saying yes to whatever it is..
It's like when you code a Web Application and your protocol didnt match.. it's all about language.
Thankfully the "yes sir whatever" done great, and the granpa gone back to the drink stall and I continue my lunch. After a quite while, the granpa came with a glass of I-dunno-what and asking me for a dollar. So Easy!!, that's what I thought.
Then I quickly get a 5 dollar from my wallet and give it to him. He return a 4 dollars in two 2 dollars paper (not plastic). It's allright I think, money is not considered as a commodity until it sold as a foreign exchange. You know that 100 dollars paper in mint condition is valued as 100 dollars but another 100 dollars paper in less of that condition is valued much less than 100 dollars. So no prob.
The drink itself, is a orange something with ice and a straw, if you're expecting the other "tea" then it is not that easy I like I thought. The drink is a bit suspicious, but the hell with that, they wont sell a poisonous drink on a public place, right? Left! So I take a quick sip and tadaa.. it was a some kinda Sweet Tea Milk. Well not bad I think, it's drinkable..
So after that lunch I came back at the flat and told my friend about that. They laugh at me, no really surprise there, I knew they would. Then they teach me about how to order drinks.
Let me share it here:
1. If you say Tea or Teh, they give you Sweet Milk Tea
2. If you say Coffee or Kopi, they give you Sweet Milk Coffee
so this far it's the formula is X = X + Sweet + Milk
3. If you say Teh O (yep, pronounced: "te o"), they give you Sweet Tea
4. If you say Coffee O( "kofe o"), they give you Sweet Coffee
the formula is X O = Sweet X
5. If you say Tea O Kosong, (kosong as in Indonesian or Malaysian), they give you just Tea, without milk and sugar
6. If you say Coffee O Kosong, same as above, they give you just Coffee without milk and sugar, or Black Coffee.. like this
formula is X O Kosong = X
7. If you want a Cold tea or coffee, just add "Peng" in all above (pronounced: "peng")
Example:
if you said Teh Peng, then you'll have the same drink that I had. A sweet iced milk tea.
Coffee O Peng = Sweet Iced coffee
Disclaimer:
My friend have no idea about "Coffee O Peng Kosong" or "Coffee O Kosong Peng"
Go ahead try and let me know, okay..
for that one I think I would say Coffee O Kosong, Cold.. Slight stop before Cold or Peng might tell the drink seller about the whole idea.
8. If you want your drink to be sweet but not to sweet, you can add Siew Dai (pron:"Siu Tai")
I think Siew mean less.. but that's it..
9. I still searching what to say if I want my coffee not too black. But for the opposite, if you want it to be very black, you can add Gao (pron: "kao"). You can even double it, Gao gao ("kao kao")
So that's it.. enjoy Singapore!!...
Cutelization in Mandanglish
What I mean by Cutelization in Mandanglish is exactly cutelization in mandanglish. Mandanglish is simply MandarinEnglish, an english in mandarin. So the whole idea is English word being cutely pronounced in Mandarin accent. So you say it like a little girl from some anime that might actually learn English say it. Bye -> Pai. Can you imagine that?? Good!
It's might not suit you if you're male with strong masculine face, beard and mustache, thick eyebrow and horrifying gaze and your body muscle is built like a brick stack. Just like me, it doesnt suit my "profile". Try Liam Neeson's or Mickey Rourke's or Jason Statham accent, it suits us people who wear angry Wolverine face all the time, even when we're smiling.
But if you're female, (I think it's safe for all kind of female to do this Cutielization in Mandanglish), or you a pretty boy, beautiful boy, you know those males that have porcelain face like girl or even cutier, then doing this Cutelization in Mandanglish is okay for you guys..
Ups!! .., no hate here ladies and pretty gentleman.. no gender bias, no male segregation offense,..
no any kind of offense, okay?!..
it's all love here..
Love,
.sic
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Something to do..
So I've been in Singapore for almost a month looking for a job. Like all you out there already guess, yep I was quit from the previous company. Eventhough, the boss didn't technically fired me, but I knew that the moment is right to move on. So here I'am moving to Singapore, another city, another country and definitely another job.
Let's hope for the best here.. I really need a job to start living here..
Having nothing to do actually is not my kind of things. I cant play decent music coz I didnt have my dear guitar and Ibanez bass with me. I cant draw coz I left the Intuos graphic pad at home. And so does gaming. With this old laptop here, I almost have limited options.
Well at least I can run Google Chrome to browse for jobs, and running open office to edit my resume, cv, and cover letter.
So if you read my last post about Travel Mate 290, yep that old acer laptop is what I have right now. The main problem is that the memory is only 256 Mb and shared with graphic card made it less than 24o Mb. Actually my friend laugh to the fact that his iPhone have more memory than this old laptop. Say goodbye to heavy graphic games and my painting software. All I have here is only Youtube, G4 TV, and Class 95.
Once or twice I really miss my tower PC with dual or quad core (I forgot) and Nvidia GTX 9800. There's a lot things I could do with that if it's here. I remember I told my friend about this and she told me to play Facebook games for killing time. But really man, facebook games?? naaah.. The game might be good but I think I simply need great graphics, great gameplay, storyline, challenges, and also decent sound system. Hmm now I miss my 9.1 speaker system.
But that is it. There's no point to be sorry about it. What I need right now is a job.
So, what's happened when I'm sick of youtube, or when G4 TV is lagging like hell, or simply dont want to listen to Class 95? Here's the surprise.. tadaaaa...
I AM WRITING...!!
yep ladies and gentlemen.. I'm back at writing novel.. and even greater this time, I'm not just write, but I'm learning about writing technique.. I kinda amazed with all this new thing I learned recently. Things I should know long ago I think. Now I realized I've been into blocking because I simply write my story in a ineffective ways.
So I'm learning about this Snowflake method and some technical aspect on writing like Scene and Sequel, MRUs,.. etc.. I must admit, Google is really helpful when it comes to learning just random thing on internet.
Apart from learning the writing technique, I also using a writing software, yWriter, to help me write properly.. I cannot write much about this software. But, lots of people out there gave a good testimonial about this software..
So just you all wait for the result.. If my swing mood is not too bad, I might coming up with nice story out of this.. hehe..
So now I got Writing on my activity list. Great isn't it? At least I got another thing to do when I got nothing to do..
Next is.... guess what.. If I'm not on Youtube, G4 TV and Class 95 AND not writing.. guess what I'd do..
Cooking..?? nope
Random browsing..?? nope
Sleeping..? Sounds nice but naah.. I sleep a lot.. more sleeping should be avoided..
...
the correct answer is.. "I'm learning.. "
And guess what is I'm learning about..
FILM MAKING...!! Yeah..!!! I'm really excited about this one.. yes I really am..!!
I'm learning about film making... ^^
All those, Shooting technique, coloring, until creating effects and some freaking 3D technique..
Just you wait... JUST YOU WAIT for my I-hope-it-will-be-great film!!
some useful links:
writing technique - http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/
film making special effects tutorial - http://www.videocopilot.net/
film making tutorial - http://www.youtube.com/user/filmriot
.sic
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Blue Screen ndis.sys w22n51.sys Intel PRO/Wireless 2200BG
For those who spent hours to solve this Blue Screen of death..
Yesterday I spent like 8 hours or more to find out why my sick old laptop crash when I turn on the wireless radio switch..
The problem is: w22n51.sys
Even tough at first it said ndis.sys, but when I turned all services off the BSOD still happens and said w22n51.sys instead.
Many people couldnt solve this because everywhere on the internet they share the old buggy driver, even on the laptop manufacturer website (mine is acer)..
Intel have fixed this bug on 2009, and post the driver on their website.. So if you have same problem with mine, just go to intel websites and search for new driver for this Intel PRO/Wireless 2200BG and try it..
http://downloadcenter.intel.com/SearchResult.aspx?lang=eng&keyword=%22w22n51%22
For me it solved my problem, no more bsod when I turned on the wireless device..
NOTE:
- many ndis.sys BSOD is simply solved by switching hardware slots (mostly memory)
- many ndis.sys BSOD is actually a different driver problem, so try turn off all windows services and see if the BSOD still happens and caused by other thing.
- turned off all services is done from msconfig (start->run->msconfig), on services tab click disable all services
good luck
.zoc
Yesterday I spent like 8 hours or more to find out why my sick old laptop crash when I turn on the wireless radio switch..
The problem is: w22n51.sys
Even tough at first it said ndis.sys, but when I turned all services off the BSOD still happens and said w22n51.sys instead.
Many people couldnt solve this because everywhere on the internet they share the old buggy driver, even on the laptop manufacturer website (mine is acer)..
Intel have fixed this bug on 2009, and post the driver on their website.. So if you have same problem with mine, just go to intel websites and search for new driver for this Intel PRO/Wireless 2200BG and try it..
http://downloadcenter.intel.com/SearchResult.aspx?lang=eng&keyword=%22w22n51%22
For me it solved my problem, no more bsod when I turned on the wireless device..
NOTE:
- many ndis.sys BSOD is simply solved by switching hardware slots (mostly memory)
- many ndis.sys BSOD is actually a different driver problem, so try turn off all windows services and see if the BSOD still happens and caused by other thing.
- turned off all services is done from msconfig (start->run->msconfig), on services tab click disable all services
good luck
.zoc
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Chords for Maaya Sakamoto (坂本真綾) - DIVE
One of my super talented friend, a composer, he post a youtube link on facebook. It's Maaya Sakamoto's song called DIVE.. go check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yayqThcHsGQ this is a very nice song.. most people will love it I think,..
Here's my version of chord, a bit simple but playable I think. There's a lot of split code because I was learning the bass line before checking the chord, but trust me the slash chord make it sound nicer:
Maaya Sakamoto (坂本真綾) - DIVE
C#
written at sorryiamdead.blogspot.com
part 1
C# C#sus4 (2x)
C# C#/C A#m7 G#m
BMaj7 A#m7 F#Dim7
Fm7 A#m7 D#m G#
part 2
C# C#sus4 2x
C# C#/C A#m7 G#m
BMaj7 A#m7 F#Dim7
C#/F D#/G G#7
Reff
C# BMaj7
A#7sus4 - A#7 AMaj7 C#/G#
C#sus4/G C#/G# G#7
C# BMaj7
A#7sus4 - A#7 AMaj7 C# /G#
D#/G F# G#7 C#
interlude
AMaj7 BMaj7 2x
C# C#sus4
part 2
C# C#sus4 2x
C# C#/C A#m7 G#m
BMaj7 A#m7 F#Dim7
C#/F D#/G G#7
Reff 2
C# BMaj7
A#7sus4 - A#7 AMaj7 C# /G#
C#sus4/G C#/G# G#7
C# BMaj7
A#7sus4 - A#7 AMaj7 C#/G#
D#/G F# G#7 A#m D#
F# G#7 C#
PS: Please note that split chord meaning you play the chord on another root, for example: D#/G, it means you play D# chord with G root (bass)
finger:
-E|-------|-------|---1---|-------|-------|-------|-------|-------
-B|-------|-------|-------|---2---|-------|-------|-------|-------
-G|-------|-------|---1---|-------|-------|-------|-------|-------
-D|-------|-------|-------|-------|---3---|-------|-------|-------
-A|-------|-------|-------|-------|-------|---4---|-------|-------
-E|-------|-------|---1---|-------|-------|-------|-------|-------
1 = index finger
2 = middle finger
3 = ring finger
4 = pinky finger
Enjoy!
by .sic.zoc.rpz.peter (2010)
Please let me know if you got better chord for this one..
nite..!!
.rpz.sic.zoc.peter
Here's my version of chord, a bit simple but playable I think. There's a lot of split code because I was learning the bass line before checking the chord, but trust me the slash chord make it sound nicer:
Maaya Sakamoto (坂本真綾) - DIVE
C#
written at sorryiamdead.blogspot.com
part 1
C# C#sus4 (2x)
C# C#/C A#m7 G#m
BMaj7 A#m7 F#Dim7
Fm7 A#m7 D#m G#
part 2
C# C#sus4 2x
C# C#/C A#m7 G#m
BMaj7 A#m7 F#Dim7
C#/F D#/G G#7
Reff
C# BMaj7
A#7sus4 - A#7 AMaj7 C#/G#
C#sus4/G C#/G# G#7
C# BMaj7
A#7sus4 - A#7 AMaj7 C# /G#
D#/G F# G#7 C#
interlude
AMaj7 BMaj7 2x
C# C#sus4
part 2
C# C#sus4 2x
C# C#/C A#m7 G#m
BMaj7 A#m7 F#Dim7
C#/F D#/G G#7
Reff 2
C# BMaj7
A#7sus4 - A#7 AMaj7 C# /G#
C#sus4/G C#/G# G#7
C# BMaj7
A#7sus4 - A#7 AMaj7 C#/G#
D#/G F# G#7 A#m D#
F# G#7 C#
PS: Please note that split chord meaning you play the chord on another root, for example: D#/G, it means you play D# chord with G root (bass)
finger:
-E|-------|-------|---1---|-------|-------|-------|-------|-------
-B|-------|-------|-------|---2---|-------|-------|-------|-------
-G|-------|-------|---1---|-------|-------|-------|-------|-------
-D|-------|-------|-------|-------|---3---|-------|-------|-------
-A|-------|-------|-------|-------|-------|---4---|-------|-------
-E|-------|-------|---1---|-------|-------|-------|-------|-------
1 = index finger
2 = middle finger
3 = ring finger
4 = pinky finger
Enjoy!
by .sic.zoc.rpz.peter (2010)
Please let me know if you got better chord for this one..
nite..!!
.rpz.sic.zoc.peter
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Greatest happy b'day ever ?
Last week, precisely at Thursday, I got fired.. Or something like that I think..
You see, I've been struggling building some e-commerce application from zero, well further down I think I started from negative one hundreds if I may describe it with number.. A bit too much maybe but, I admit I never done anything close to that.. So I had a research, draw the plans, design, architecture analysis, database designing etc you name it!.. and while I did all that I was also building the application.. One man army, a familiar picture of IT Industry nowdays as a result of bloodbath price war on last decade..
back to topic.. Now the worse part is my boss, the ape.. He kept pushing and gone angry at me.. He think something like that should be done in 4 days..
Yeah, 4 days my ass!! It was a tiresome effort to explain technically about what I was doing.. It was like explaining how to build a airplane to a prehistoric dumb ape or worse.. Trust me on that!!
For a simple analogy, he knows that I've build a bicycle, with pedal, wheel and steer etc.. and now he wants me to build an airplane, which is I've never made before.. while I was doing it, that ape kept saying that it takes too long,.. And trust me every time I tried to explain all that aerodynamic thing, Bernoully's Principle, gravity, machinery he just responded with his disappointment, anger, and dumbness that I'd rather not wasting my time to hear..
So that very day he came down and put a meeting and asked me..
"what are our status? 80 percent? 90 percent?", He asked with mockery..
"When will it finished? today? tonight? next week? next month? next year?", okay, he started the war..
I imagine, what would Thomas Alva Edison said when his boss came down and asked him this? What would Graham Bell said?
Well whatever, I tried with all manners to explain it.. I'm a straightforward person when talked about things like this, about things that I really know..
So we had an argument, words after words and suddenly, the ape went BOOM!
Surprised me and everybody else in the room.. yelled at me told me get out.. and that ape even tried to throw some billboard markers at me.. silly..
Well maybe someone at some other company have already successfully build this module, maybe ebay does, mabye Amazon does, but hell everybody knows they hired a group of phd's from standout university there.. but here they have me and only me, a Bachelor from corner of Asia's deepshit that people wont even notice on the map. I think I'm the one who have the most resource about all technology required and related to this project. This ape never gave out training, and all he did is hand me a half page of specification which sounds like "I want some kind a bicycle that can fly across countries". While I must do my own research, pushing my hours more than 12 hours a day, through Saturday and Sunday for three weeks to build that.
So I went to a friend, friends and talked about it.. I gave it a lot of thought.. And finally I realized that all just shits there.. no career, no raise, no bonus, no reward and no respect..
I thank God for all this lesson.. He really knows how to say "Happy Birthday!".. lol
.sic.zoc.rpz
You see, I've been struggling building some e-commerce application from zero, well further down I think I started from negative one hundreds if I may describe it with number.. A bit too much maybe but, I admit I never done anything close to that.. So I had a research, draw the plans, design, architecture analysis, database designing etc you name it!.. and while I did all that I was also building the application.. One man army, a familiar picture of IT Industry nowdays as a result of bloodbath price war on last decade..
back to topic.. Now the worse part is my boss, the ape.. He kept pushing and gone angry at me.. He think something like that should be done in 4 days..
Yeah, 4 days my ass!! It was a tiresome effort to explain technically about what I was doing.. It was like explaining how to build a airplane to a prehistoric dumb ape or worse.. Trust me on that!!
For a simple analogy, he knows that I've build a bicycle, with pedal, wheel and steer etc.. and now he wants me to build an airplane, which is I've never made before.. while I was doing it, that ape kept saying that it takes too long,.. And trust me every time I tried to explain all that aerodynamic thing, Bernoully's Principle, gravity, machinery he just responded with his disappointment, anger, and dumbness that I'd rather not wasting my time to hear..
So that very day he came down and put a meeting and asked me..
"what are our status? 80 percent? 90 percent?", He asked with mockery..
"When will it finished? today? tonight? next week? next month? next year?", okay, he started the war..
I imagine, what would Thomas Alva Edison said when his boss came down and asked him this? What would Graham Bell said?
Well whatever, I tried with all manners to explain it.. I'm a straightforward person when talked about things like this, about things that I really know..
So we had an argument, words after words and suddenly, the ape went BOOM!
Surprised me and everybody else in the room.. yelled at me told me get out.. and that ape even tried to throw some billboard markers at me.. silly..
Well maybe someone at some other company have already successfully build this module, maybe ebay does, mabye Amazon does, but hell everybody knows they hired a group of phd's from standout university there.. but here they have me and only me, a Bachelor from corner of Asia's deepshit that people wont even notice on the map. I think I'm the one who have the most resource about all technology required and related to this project. This ape never gave out training, and all he did is hand me a half page of specification which sounds like "I want some kind a bicycle that can fly across countries". While I must do my own research, pushing my hours more than 12 hours a day, through Saturday and Sunday for three weeks to build that.
So I went to a friend, friends and talked about it.. I gave it a lot of thought.. And finally I realized that all just shits there.. no career, no raise, no bonus, no reward and no respect..
I thank God for all this lesson.. He really knows how to say "Happy Birthday!".. lol
.sic.zoc.rpz
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